The Fake Playoffs: A Recap

The Oscar Wildes meant business last night; the drink cooler was spiked with Powerade. And business it was for the first six innings. Danny started us off with a home run*. We had back-to-back 1-2-3 innings. We let them load the bases but escaped without giving up a run. Zach made a spectacular catch with a jump reminiscent of the second most famous person in the world with the initials MJ. Heading into the final inning we were actually up by a run. Strictly business. And then the top of the seventh came and it was Casual Friday. Casual Friday on the day before a holiday when everyone is out of the office by noon.

It was the most heartbreaking non-win of the season. But like our olde friende Oscar Wilde says, "The heart was made to be broken." Or was it the arm? Jen gets the MVQ award for the game (Most Valuable Quoter, if you were wondering, which you might have been). Selecting appropriate witticisms out of a sizeable volume of gems spoken by our favorite 19th century Irish writer to coincide with plays made in a rec league softball game is not as easy as it sounds. To quote our quoter sometime around the bottom of the 4th, "What is this? Oh, it's from The Importance of Being Earnest."

No worries, however. We haven't been eliminated as apparently the playoffs have yet to begin. And, despite the recent loss, the Oscar Wildes still retain their title of Best Team Named After a 19th Century Irish Writer while adding a new one --Worst Team in the Queen Anne League! Now it’s official.

And speaking of officials, what was with that strike zone? And now that we're going off on a tangent . . . Note to self/others: Appropriate places to commiserate after a tough loss on the field-- pub, dive bar, pizza joint. Appropriate places to hold your bachelorette party if you plan on wearing a veil and satin sash with "Sexy Bride" embroidered in baby blue-- fake Mexican restaurant, male "dance" club, piano bar.

You don't need a Venn diagram to figure out that there's no overlap and that's the way it should stay. While a co-ed softball team and a group of co-eds sound similar, in reality they are as distinct as dusty baseball t-shirts and spaghetti strap dresses and drinking venues should be chosen accordingly. Crystal said that the pianoing would not start until 9pm. This was not true. Shortly after 8pm the pianists began taking requests.

Fortunately, though, the OWs took advantage of the situation, each in their own way. Vanessa found potential tutors from the slim pickings of the early evening Chopstix crowd. Whether it's chatting up batters from behind the plate or consoling middle-aged women inappropriately groped by their daughter-in-law's gay best friend, she is always able to steer the conversation towards volunteering for 826.

And, be that as it may, in conclusion, as it were, to sum it up--just as someone who wasn't Oscar Wilde said, "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings." Or until the skinny man calls you up to the piano to sing you a birthday song (to the tune of John Lennon's "Imagine") about you and your girlfriends surrounding him in a hot tub. Then it's all over. But the OWs have one more shot at glory, one more chance to snag that elusive W, one more game to keep the dream alive.

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*Unfortunately, I am again unable to describe in detail his amazing hit. While I was actually at the field this time, I was scrambling to tie my cleats since I was on deck less than a minute after arriving. The whole thing sounded quite impressive, though.