The Jose Vidro Challenge

The Oscar Wildes seem to be the hot topic du jour at 826, from the kids we tutor who are (understandably) amused at the thought of us performing any sort of feat that requires coordination to those of us on the team. The consensus seems to be that our performance will be adequate: not so bad as to embarrass ourselves, but not necessarily good enough to win any games.

In this regard, we are better than the local nine.

For those of you who haven't been paying attention to our better-compensated counterparts on the Mariners, the team has been the most shameful thing to come out of Seattle since that Angelina Jolie movie; the squad that was picked by some (apparently uninformed) experts to win the AL West just two months ago is instead in contention for the worst record in baseball. It's not just that this team is bad, it's that they're setting new standards for ineptitude.

The worst of this the Mariners' DH, Jose Vidro. Calling Mr. Vidro (a.k.a. "Turbo") the Mariners' designated hitter is true only in the technical sense. Yes, he was designated (sadly, not for assignment as of yet), but the hitting thing just isn't happening. As someone whose sole purpose on the team is to provide offense, his OPS+, a measure of offensive prowess, displayed as a percentage relative to the league average, is at 78. His raw OPS (on-base percentage plus slugging) is at .634, baseball's average as I write this is exactly 100 points higher.

And, as I rage against this embarrassment of a baseball player, I can't help but think we can do better.

As such, I present to you, my fellow Oscar Wildes and our myriad fans, the Jose Vidro Challenge: Any Oscar Wilde who, at the end of our season, has a higher OPS than Jose Vidro will receive a complimentary pint of a cold beverage, on me.

This is not without caveats. First, to weed out any small sample size flukes, you must have at least five at-bats with the team. Second, in the unlikely event that the Mariners' front office produces a stunning display of aptitude and releases Turbo before the Oscar Wildes' season ends, then Turbo's final OPS with the team will be counted. And third, I think you know what I mean by a pint of a cold beverage; don't go expecting me to buy you a pint of Peruvian emu milk.

So, my fellow Oscar Wildes, I hope you take this as additional motivation. Forget personal pride, forget proudly representing 826. Now, you all have the chance to humiliate Jose Vidro, even if he'll never know it.

You gotta lay out for it.

Call it!

But even when you call it . . .

If You Do It Wrong!

Toffer was kind enough to post an instructional video on throwing for anyone who needs help.

Well, I can't offer that. But, if you need encouragement, I can offer you this: At least you're not Mariah Carey.*



*Really, you should find this thought encouraging in any situation, unless you're trying to sing with a five-octave vocal range.

What did you say?

For Rebecca

Is there crying in softball, though?

If You Do It Right!

Batting Practice!

We are getting together this Sunday, June 1st from 3pm until we leave at Funtasia Fun Park in Edmonds for batting practice.

Not that we need it. We're fine. We're cool. Got some bats on the team. No worries. You know, we just want to get a little more time in the cages before the season starts.

The Schedule

Tuesday, June 3rd, 9:30PM @ QA1

Wednesday, June 11th, 9:15PM @ QA1

Monday, June 16th, 9:15PM @ QA1

Monday, June 23rd, 7:45PM @ QA2

Thursday, June 26th, 6:15PM @QA2

Wednesday, July 2nd, 6:15PM @QA2

Monday, July 7th, 6:15PM @ IB2

QA1: Queen Anne Playfield, 1st W & W Howe
QA2: same place, different field
IB2: Interbay, 17th W & W Dravus

Seriousness is the last refuge of the shallow.

In the spring of 2008, 826 Seattle formed a team in the Queen Anne co-ed slow pitch softball league run by Citywide Athletics. This blog will take you behind the scenes (for witty banter!), into the locker room (OK, so we don't have a locker room), and onto the field (for more witty banter!).

A little bit about us: We practice. We scrimmage (kinda; the other team brought their beer cans on the field with them).

Over the next two months, we play games against equal adversaries, like Holy Cow, Holy Cow II, NW Eye Ballers, Slackers, Head Hunters, The Groupies and WCC Crew.

We are the Oscar Wildes. All of us can write. Supposedly, one of us played college baseball.