We'll Get 'Em Next Time, Part III: A Recap

In their third game of the season, the Oscar Wildes battled an intimidating opposing pitcher, unrelenting cowbell from the adjacent field, and nearly-sidelining injury. While a lesser team would have buckled under the pressure, the Wildes poured another Curveball into their stealthy blue plastic cups and gracefully accepted the loss.

Yet there was much to celebrate in this third non-shutout.

For the first time ever, the Oscar Wildes scored first and led until the bottom of the first when the other team got up to bat and Eileen hit a two-run homer. (Incidentally, “Come On, Eileen” is a much more annoying song to have stuck in your head than Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia.”)

In what may have been the most exciting base running situation so far this season, Kevin spent some quality time debating between second and third base, and ultimately decided on second.

And one of their players really wanted to be an 826 tutor. Unfortunately it wasn’t Eileen.

After the game, the team descended upon Targy’s for a few post-game pitchers. Apparently this bar is the preferred choice of softball teams with awesome names as Holy Cow was there, too. Only it wasn’t the team we had already played. There are two Holy Cow teams and this one looked like the A squad. These players had uniforms, with names on the back even (names like "Happy Meal" and "Mr. Roboto"), unlike the scrappy ununiformed JV team that kicked our ass in the first game.

In his post-game comments to the press, Coach Toffer “Coach” Lehnherr reflected on the challenges of coaching. While receiving unsolicited advice from unqualified spectators was not an issue he discussed, I’ve found that it’s something that every coach loves. So I thought I’d share a few of my strategies for finally pulling off that elusive W.

1. Challenge our opponents to a game of “Who Was the Most Famous Person That Went to Your School?” instead. We’ve got a ringer--Zach attended Thomas Jefferson’s alma mater. (Which is cool and all, but did TJ ever have a recurring role on a short-lived television drama set in post-apocalyptic Kansas like Manchester Junior-Senior High graduate Sprague Grayden?)
2. Find a better batting order. Besides Kevin batting after Devyn (or was it the other way around?), our lineup tonight was completely unpoetic. I suggest that for future games we arrange our roster using a rhyme scheme of ABBACCDEEDFF. This will require some creativity and/or changing of names. Someone’s going to have to take one for the team and agree to be nicknamed “The Professa” as apparently that’s the only thing that rhymes with Vanessa.
3. Get more hits.

Even though the season has yet to yield a victory, the Oscar Wildes remain the number one team in the Queen Anne softball league named after a 19th century Irish writer. As the ever-insightfule Oscar Wilde reminds us, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” Come support the team this Thursday at 6:15 pm as they look onward and upward.

Catch!

I wonder if this ball girl has been bitten by a radioactive spider.

Another Not-Shutout!: A Recap

The Oscar Wildes got off to a promising start last night in their second game of the regular season, stepping up their offense under the direction of Asst. (careful how you abbreviate that) Coach Doug Woodbury, filling in for an absent Coach Toffer “Coach” Lehnherr. While this promise ultimately went unfulfilled, there were undoubtedly moments of brilliance. There were also some moments of not. But as good olde Oscar Wilde reminds us, “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” And we are nothing if not imaginative.

For example, as Doug pointed out, this game was a vast improvement over the last if you look at the final score as a ratio. When you get outscored by 15 runs, it’s a good thing to have mathematicians on your team to figure out the best numerical perspective on losing. And to add the English major’s take on this, I’d just like to note that if you multiply both team’s scores by -1, we actually won the game.

I would also like to note that we were playing a team of eye surgeons. (Is it weird for them to hear people cheering "good eye, good eye" at softball games?) But as most of them appeared to be nineteen, none of them looked like eye surgeons to me, except for that one guy who made it to first at the end of the 7th inning (although let's be honest, who wasn't on base in the 7th inning?). So perhaps our opponents were just people in some way associated with the practice of eye surgery. In the case of the girl in the light blue fleece who couldn't find the bases, she might have been recruited from the pool of eye surgery candidates along with the umpire.

The Oscar Wildes take the field again next Monday, and as they say, third time’s the charm (or is it three times a bridesmaid, never a bride?). Stay tuned. Despite the less-than-favorable outcome of their second contest, the Oscar Wildes are still very much in the running for best softball team in the Queen Anne League named after a 19th century Irish writer. We’ll keep you posted.

Resizing Your Softball Shirt; or, How to Make the Oscar Wildes' Blog Slightly Less Manly

To replicate this experiment, you should use a sewing machine from the mid-1980s that snags on t-shirt fabric and has held the same spool of light blue thread for two years. You also need some scissors, a pencil that will mark fabric (or equivalent tool), straight pins, a shirt or two that fit you well, and a unit of measurement.

First, iron your inside-out jersey and cut along the sides. There's no turning back now. Don't be afraid.

Normally we would cut the sleeves off and reshape the whole thing, but the baseball shirt just needs a little trim. Grab a shirt that fits and use it as a pattern. Make lines uniformly distant from the pattern around the body on both sides (about a cm or two for the seam). Fold to make sure all the sides match in an awkward and complicated manner. And cut. Sewing doesn't really involve a lot of actual sewing.

Pin the shirt together, front to back, and check that it's an appropriate size. You can turn it inside out and put it on if you enjoy feeling sharp pinpricks all over... or you can just examine it well.

Preparing the sleeves is analogous: compare to sleeves that you like, mark, cut, and pin. Match them up in intricate combinations to convince yourself that they are the same.

Set your machine to a zigzag pattern of some sort and stitch around the new edge, pulling out the pins as you go. Think to yourself, "I really need a hobby" several times. When both sides are done, try it on. Mine was really long, so I hemmed it about 10 cm from the bottom.

It's important that we appear presentable on the field-- our namesake would have wanted it. I offer the following as proof:

"It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances." The Picture of Dorian Gray

The OW's First Game: A Recap

The Oscar Wildes were well prepared for their first game last night. Unfortunately, however, neither the opposing team nor the umpire got the memo that the contest would be determined by fashion points, and so despite looking fabulous in their new white and green jerseys, the Oscar Wildes suffered their first defeat of the season at the hands of an entirely un-uniformed team named Holy Cow who just happened to score more runs.

Although the game as a whole went into the L column, there were many smaller victories to celebrate.

First, we managed to successfully maintain the requisite minimum number of girls at all times. Although apparently that fourth girl wasn’t doing a very good job, judging by the fact that ump stopped the game after my first at-bat to make sure our batting order was alternating male/female (I’d like to think it was because he was so impressed by my hit (which barely cleared the infield) and not the fact that I look like a guy. Yeah.)

Victory number two: It wasn’t a shutout. Danny scored a run.

And, most important: I feel as though Oscar (“Work is the curse of the drinking classes”) Wilde would be happy with our performance. Thanks to Scott for the cooler of Curveball. Perhaps some Pete’s Wicked Rally Cap Ale for our next game? Not like we’ll need it because I’m sure we’ll be leading the entire game next time.

All in all, in conclusion, to sum it all up, at the end of the day, the Oscar Wildes showed that they are a force to be reckoned with. Holy Cow reckoned with us and won, but next time it will be different.

MVP of the game? I’m not very good with names, but it was definitely the player wearing #826.

The next game is next Monday--same time, same place, different opponent. Be sure to stay tuned. The Oscar Wildes are poised to become the best softball team in the Queen Anne League named after a 19th century Irish writer.

Don't try this at home.

Sweep!

After the Oscar Wildes' season got off to a sloppy start, I went home and watched some TV. But I wasn't channel surfing. Oh, no.

The Women's Softball College World Series was on. Yeah, it was. Arizona State took it to Texas A&M to sweep the best of three series. It is Arizona State's first national championship in softball.

Honestly, I had the other state school from Arizona going all the way (c'mon, I wanted to see a three-peat!), but they lost twice early on and were quite justly eliminated.

Arizona State, however, kept their bats handy the whole tournament, scoring eleven runs in the final game alone. Congrats, you Sun Devils!