Resizing Your Softball Shirt; or, How to Make the Oscar Wildes' Blog Slightly Less Manly

To replicate this experiment, you should use a sewing machine from the mid-1980s that snags on t-shirt fabric and has held the same spool of light blue thread for two years. You also need some scissors, a pencil that will mark fabric (or equivalent tool), straight pins, a shirt or two that fit you well, and a unit of measurement.

First, iron your inside-out jersey and cut along the sides. There's no turning back now. Don't be afraid.

Normally we would cut the sleeves off and reshape the whole thing, but the baseball shirt just needs a little trim. Grab a shirt that fits and use it as a pattern. Make lines uniformly distant from the pattern around the body on both sides (about a cm or two for the seam). Fold to make sure all the sides match in an awkward and complicated manner. And cut. Sewing doesn't really involve a lot of actual sewing.

Pin the shirt together, front to back, and check that it's an appropriate size. You can turn it inside out and put it on if you enjoy feeling sharp pinpricks all over... or you can just examine it well.

Preparing the sleeves is analogous: compare to sleeves that you like, mark, cut, and pin. Match them up in intricate combinations to convince yourself that they are the same.

Set your machine to a zigzag pattern of some sort and stitch around the new edge, pulling out the pins as you go. Think to yourself, "I really need a hobby" several times. When both sides are done, try it on. Mine was really long, so I hemmed it about 10 cm from the bottom.

It's important that we appear presentable on the field-- our namesake would have wanted it. I offer the following as proof:

"It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances." The Picture of Dorian Gray