We'll Get 'Em Next Time, Part III: A Recap

In their third game of the season, the Oscar Wildes battled an intimidating opposing pitcher, unrelenting cowbell from the adjacent field, and nearly-sidelining injury. While a lesser team would have buckled under the pressure, the Wildes poured another Curveball into their stealthy blue plastic cups and gracefully accepted the loss.

Yet there was much to celebrate in this third non-shutout.

For the first time ever, the Oscar Wildes scored first and led until the bottom of the first when the other team got up to bat and Eileen hit a two-run homer. (Incidentally, “Come On, Eileen” is a much more annoying song to have stuck in your head than Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia.”)

In what may have been the most exciting base running situation so far this season, Kevin spent some quality time debating between second and third base, and ultimately decided on second.

And one of their players really wanted to be an 826 tutor. Unfortunately it wasn’t Eileen.

After the game, the team descended upon Targy’s for a few post-game pitchers. Apparently this bar is the preferred choice of softball teams with awesome names as Holy Cow was there, too. Only it wasn’t the team we had already played. There are two Holy Cow teams and this one looked like the A squad. These players had uniforms, with names on the back even (names like "Happy Meal" and "Mr. Roboto"), unlike the scrappy ununiformed JV team that kicked our ass in the first game.

In his post-game comments to the press, Coach Toffer “Coach” Lehnherr reflected on the challenges of coaching. While receiving unsolicited advice from unqualified spectators was not an issue he discussed, I’ve found that it’s something that every coach loves. So I thought I’d share a few of my strategies for finally pulling off that elusive W.

1. Challenge our opponents to a game of “Who Was the Most Famous Person That Went to Your School?” instead. We’ve got a ringer--Zach attended Thomas Jefferson’s alma mater. (Which is cool and all, but did TJ ever have a recurring role on a short-lived television drama set in post-apocalyptic Kansas like Manchester Junior-Senior High graduate Sprague Grayden?)
2. Find a better batting order. Besides Kevin batting after Devyn (or was it the other way around?), our lineup tonight was completely unpoetic. I suggest that for future games we arrange our roster using a rhyme scheme of ABBACCDEEDFF. This will require some creativity and/or changing of names. Someone’s going to have to take one for the team and agree to be nicknamed “The Professa” as apparently that’s the only thing that rhymes with Vanessa.
3. Get more hits.

Even though the season has yet to yield a victory, the Oscar Wildes remain the number one team in the Queen Anne softball league named after a 19th century Irish writer. As the ever-insightfule Oscar Wilde reminds us, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” Come support the team this Thursday at 6:15 pm as they look onward and upward.